Draco Malfoy and the Funniest year ever!
by orange'n'lavender
Summary: Draco realizes during a really bad day that he may have feelings for the annoying Know-it -all who hangs out with his rival. determined to find out if she shares his sentiments, he starts to kinda stalk her... the result? a demented looking Draco, a blushing Hermione, a terrified Snape, and the best year ever! Rated T for mild swearing, AU. Draco x Hermione (oneshot)


**This is my first attempt at humor so tell me what you think. Its dracoxhermione. Don't like? too bad...**

Draco was annoyed. Very, very annoyed. He _hated _bad hair days! And the worst part was that this topped the chart of bad/unlucky days. He had woken up and immediately _smashed_ his toe against something, which turned out to be the stupid book that they had for Care of Magical Creatures. After about 10 minutes of hopping in one place (because his toe hurt) while simultaneously attempting to dodge that stupid book, he had caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He had immediately forgotten about his toe in favour of the bigger problem, something looking like a furry blond animal was on his head…

His mood did not improve much when he realised that it was _not _an animal, but his hair, which had decided to disobey him and misbehave. Luckily he remembered the tube of gel in his bag…

…. which did not appear until he had searched frantically for about 20 minutes. Finally getting his hair into its usual immaculate style, he finished his morning routine without too much hassle and deigned to grace the school with his presence for breakfast…

….which was almost over by this time. Cursing all the higher powers, he eyed the food (_oh, glorious food_), then his watch, and sadly came to the conclusion that he would be late if he had any food. And Malfoys were _never _late. But of course, he had to cut it close and barely make it to class before the bell rang, which meant he had to _run_. He hated his life some times. And _then,_ of course, that haughty, good for nothing _Potter _and his friend had to be in that class, and for once in their pathetic lives they had been earlier than him… which, naturally, meant that they would continue to taunt him about that for the rest of the period. Add that to the fact that Crabbe and Goyle were conspicuously absent for some _goddamned_ reason (sorry boss, we ate too much last night; had to go to the hospital wing), leaving him feeling oddly vulnerable. And they just _had to have an exam_ that day. The rest of the day was a bunch of accidents that made Draco wonder if it was some kind of elaborate prank, or if it was 'be evil to Draco Malfoy' day, and then he decided that there were definitely some kind of divine presence which had a grudge against him. By the time he had reached lunch time, he was torn between almost drooling at the mention of food (he was hungry, damn it!) and eyeing everything with suspicion (in case they came alive and attacked him). Barely pausing his obsessive scanning of the perimeter for enemies to eat his lunch (which promptly decided to join in the madness and settled comfortably in his throat, causing him to choke), he rushed to his class and sat down, feeling a surge of pride in tricking fate by reaching class before fate had a chance to mess up. After a while, Professor Flitwick entered and gave him a strange look, kindly informing him that unless he was a sixth year student, he was not supposed to be there. Supressing a scream of frustration, he rushed to the right class and sat with his minions… er, friends… who were giving him weird looks…oh well. At least nothing had happened for a while. Then, he realized that for some reason, most of the Mudbloods in the school were following him, and one loudly asked him if he lost to Harry Potter because he secretly fancied him…

… and then decided that something like that needed _skill_. [1] Just when he was ready to kill someone, he received the good news that that stupid dumb creature (bucktooth? Sharpbeak?) was to be executed in the evening. Feeling infinitely more cheerful, he decided to go see it. To his shock (and mild suspicion) the terrible, torturous three were also on the way. Oh yes, they were friends of that oaf, weren't they? Well then, he would try to replenish his stores of good memories (which were steadily being pushed to the back because of today) by insulting them. He cheerfully called them a bunch of names and exchanged a few insults, which earned him a punch from the Mudblood….

…which was why he was currently sitting in the Slytherin common room, holding an ice pack to his face, watching a first year comfort another first year, feeling sorry for himself… why did it have to be her, anyway? That annoying, smug, self-satisfied, smart-assed (wow, alliteration!), bushy haired, pretty…no, not pretty! Pissing off! Yes, pissing of bitch of a Mudblood! He hoped nobody had seen him being beaten up by a girl…

… "Don't cry! Did you know that girls only hit guys if they like him?" this was first year #1

First year#2 blinked "so, she likes me? Really?"

First year#1 smiled "yup! So come on! We have to think of a way to get her to realize it."

Draco scoffed. That was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. What sort of theory was that? That would mean that ….

…the Mudblood liked him. He scowled. This was stupid. Why would Hermione like him? And why should he care? True, she was the only Mudblood whose name he knew, but he attributed that to the fact that she was his eternal rival's friend. And he did admire her, but that was because she was smart and kind and pretty and…

Damn it! He just realized that he was in love with Hermione Granger. Did he mention how much this day _sucked?_

What was he to do now? Simple, find out if she liked him. The saying 'easier said (or thought) then done was proving to be very true'….

**Draco's POV**** ('coz I'm sick of writing in third person)**

Day 1: Operation "find out if Hermione Granger likes me"

After a lot of deliberation last night, I decided to get someone else to ask her; someone I could trust; someone who wouldn't realize I liked her back. Pansy Parkinson was an obvious choice. I simply hinted that I had heard rumours that Hermione liked me and she immediately confronted her about it. "Does the little Mudblood like Draco, then? Aww… well, guess what? Draco hates your guts!"

I crept…ahem, _walked _closer to hear her response. She turned to Pansy, looked at her and laughed. Still laughing, she turned to Pansy and told her in a clear voice. "Are you psychotic? Why would I like _Malfoy?_ He insults me at every opportunity and, honestly, I can't wait to get away from him."

My heart felt like it was breaking (ooh look! I actually have a heart; it's breaking right now!). I quickly walked away, to the comfort of the common room. Once there, I calmed down and thought about what she said. She never said she didn't like me – she just said that she didn't like my attitude. I grinned. Fine then, I'd just have to change her opinion of me. Great. Easy.

Day 2: "Change Hermione's opinion"

The next day, I put on a smile and _skipped_ to breakfast, ignoring the looks I received. Reaching my destination, I proceeded to greet everyone I saw as warmly as I could (I realized later that saying 'hello strange kid who stinks' is _not _a warm greeting). Reaching the terrible three… or terrible two plus my crush, I greeted them with a 'hello Potty, hello Weasel, good morning Hermione'. I noticed her raise her eyebrow and inwardly cursed. Why hadn't I called her Mudblood? That was my usual name for her. Then she asked me what I was doing.

"getting breakfast, Muddy"

"Muddy?"

"You know, a nickname. Mudblood is waay to long, so I shortened it."

"…Who are you and what have you done with Malfoy?"

I smiled and shrugged. Then I blew a kiss at her and clapped the other two on the back (Potter looked like he was about to have an aneurysm, while Weasely looked like a fish, with his mouth opening and closing), and then skipped back to my common room, where I groaned and decided that if I survived this with even a shred of dignity left, I would be very lucky. The things I do for love… speaking of which, I had to get to class for the next part of the plan.

I walked this time, and entered the potions room. Snape looked at me from the corner of his eye and then turned so fast I thought I heard something break. He looked at me in pure shock and then _actually stammered._

Hermione's POV

I was sitting in potions, wondering about Malfoy's strange behaviour. I could hear Ron and Harry discussing the same thing. Shaking my head slightly, I turned my attention to the class in progress when another student entered. Snape looked at him and then looked again in shock. I was confused, but the confusion turned to shock when he spoke-"Dr-Draco? Wh-What _happened _to you?!"

The class as a whole turned to see why he was shocked. My surprise grew when I saw Draco Malfoy stand there with his usual slick hairstyle missing and his robes in a casual manner which made him look…hot. No! I meant different. Yeah, different.

He entered and said, "Nothing happened to me, professor. I was just in a hurry." Snape looked shell-shocked, and his eyes seemed to get wider when Malfoy looked around, smiled at random people, and finally sat next to me. Trying to gather the last of his sanity, he shouted at Harry, and then looked shocked when Malfoy defended him (a feeling which was shared by many, including me) and I actually saw him pinch himself. He then announced that today would be a team activity; no points would be awarded though. To my surprise Malfoy started to take out materials and came back to my desk. I eyed him and enquired as to what he was doing. He chuckled and replied, "I'm being a good partner and helping out. After all, you are better at making it, so I might as well make myself useful this way."

I stared at him. Did he just compliment me? At this point, Snape, who had been watching this exchange, let out a strangled yelp and ran out of the room.

Draco's POV

I watched in confusion as Snape ran out screaming about being caught in something called a genjutsu. I turned to Hermione, who was looking at me like I was an alien. I shrugged and said, "What happened? Why did he randomly run out?" Her eyebrow shot up and she seemed, for once in her life, to lack an answer. Finally, she managed, "Draco, I think I was wrong about you" before erupting into a fit of giggles. I smiled. Looked like day 2 was a success.

**Day 3: operation 'get Hermione alone' or 'get her to like me'**

I was getting very tired of skipping. Also, the powers above seemed to put the bright idea of _hugging _random people in my head. I had slept badly the night before, alternating between sweet dreams of Harry and Ron being cornered by Sirius Black and then chased by a werewolf, and the nightmare of the same thing happening to Hermione. I was also quite ready to kill someone, which would have blown my entire plan sky high. And…. I just realized that I _still_ hadn't figured out how to get Hermione alone. Frantically looking around for inspiration, I saw a bouquet of dried flowers (a prank from someone pretending to be Harry Potter). A light bulb appeared over my head, flickered and died out. I frowned and hit my head, and the bulb came to life. Grinning evilly I smiled and looked at Crabbe and Goyle. "Guys, I know what we're going to do today, dattebayo!"

*far away in ninja land, an orange clad blond stopped and commented to his girlfriend "Hina-chan, I get the feeling that someone just stole my catchphrase. In cartoon land, Phineas said, "Ferb, I have the urge to cackle madly and scream "Hermione, you're mine."*

Ahem…. Back to the story…

I skipped over to the Gryffindor table and offered a bouquet of flowers to my beloved Hermione….who looked at it, then at my idiotically smiling face (after this, I was going to _kill _myself; or erase everyone's memories… aye, good plan) and then at her stupid friends, who were trying very hard to stifle their sniggers. Realizing that they were in no condition to help her, she turned to me ….

…and took out her wand and changed all the flowers to kittens, which she proceeded to distribute to all the guys surrounding her (unfortunately, this seemed to include me, too) and ordered them to take care of them. I looked at the little bundle of joy and winced when it changed from a disgustingly adorable ball of fur to a hissing, spitting, ball of pointy things….seriously, the things I do for love…

"Wait, Hermione!" she turned. I stammered and could feel the blood reaching my face. Getting my features under control, I said, "Meet me by the lake after class." When her eyebrow shot up, I looked at her in confusion. She sighed and said, "That sounded like an order ... I glared at her and she smirked back. Sighing, I said, "Please meet me after school?" she looked at me and then nodded. There was a sound like a dog being choked and I saw Snape looking at us with wide eyes, before he turned and ran in the direction of the hospital ward. The rest of the students watched him and then looked at us. Then Ron coughed, sounding suspiciously like he was saying, "whipped". The rest of the students laughed, but continued to stare at us. I got annoyed, the stupid skipping and the smiling and the _bloody kitten_ mixing together to give the feeling a boost of power. "What the bloody hell do you people want? I just asked her to meet me by the lake! What's wrong with that?" I heard someone say "how romantic…a meeting by the lake" and felt a blush coming. I choked out a 'see you then?' and then walked out after she nodded (and after I grabbed some food). I couldn't wait for class (and the bloody exam) to get over.

We met near the lake, trying very hard to ignore the stupid crowd which had gathered (some because they figured I was going to ask her out, some because they wanted her to say no, some because they wanted us to fight, and some just for the heck of it). I looked at her; she was smart enough to realize; after all, I had changed my personality right after she said she wanted me to, I had stopped calling people Mudbloods and I _had _almost caused Professor Snape to have a seizure. Only an idiot would think I didn't like her.

"So, you know why I asked you to meet me?"

"The only thing I can think of is that you like me and want to find out if I like you too."

I blushed and nodded. She smiled, "Well, I definitely have some kind of feelings for you."

I felt my heart skip a beat. "Then, Hermione Granger, will you do me the honour of being my girlfriend?" saying this, I pulled out a box with a beautiful necklace and offered it to her.

She turned bright pink, but her words were clear. "The honour would be mine."

Ignoring the sighs of 'awww' in the background, I smirked, "Yes it would."

As she playfully hit me on the head, I put the necklace on for her and said "Ruby and emerald. Gryffindor and Slytherin. Kind of apt, don't you think?" When she nodded, I pulled her to face me. A voice which I identified as Harry's shouted, "Kiss her already!" I grinned and shouted back, "First sensible thing I've heard you say, Potter." Pulling my blushing brainiac to me, I put a hand on her cheek and kissed her. The world faded until it was just the two of us. When we finally returned to the real world for air, Weasely appeared with Potter. "About time. Hey, we completely approve, but if you hurt her…" he trailed of meaningfully and drew his finger along his throat for emphasis. I looked at Hermione and pulled her close, drawling, "Not something you have to worry about. She is mine, forever." They grinned and disappeared into the crowd. I turned my attention to Hermione. "Now, where were we?" she grinned, but put a finger to my lips and said, "I just thought of a good idea…"

Normal POV

Snape still couldn't believe that the events of the last few days had been real. Added to the fact that he had been so shocked that he had accidentally told the tale to Lord Voldemort. Turns out that the Dark Lord liked romance stories and Snape had had his undivided attention as the story unfolded, even going so far as to sigh and exclaim, "Ahh, star crossed lovers" when he had recounted the part where he had rushed to the hospital wing for a mental check-up. Dragging his mind to the present, he walked out of the hospital after Poppy (the nurse) finally convinced him that he was relatively fine, to see two students kissing passionately in front of the door to his office. He walked up to them and said, "While other teachers_ may_ have no problem with students kissing in front of their office, I certainly object." The two blushing students pulled apart to reveal…

…Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger. Holding hands. Kissing each other. In front of his office. He couldn't take this anymore! Letting out a scream (which he would forever deny sounded the least bit girly), he ran to the hospital. He was not going to leave until he either got some kind of medication or until someone checked his eyes; he was hallucinating- he had to be…

Draco and Hermione laughed madly, and Harry, who had been hiding under the invisibility cloak, joined them. Draco gasped for air, saying, "Potter, you had better have got that."

Harry smiled. "Well, if I didn't we can always do that again. You don't seem to mind." Draco and Hermione both blushed at that. Hermione said, "Well, let's see if it worked."

The next day, there were random screens everywhere (courtesy of Fred and George) which treated everyone to the video of Snape running away with a girly scream, muttering about therapy and glasses and medication. It was the best day ever in Hogwarts history. The whole day, people just had to mention Hermione or Draco's names in Snape's hearing and he would jump and look around wildly.

And Draco and Hermione? They spent the rest of the term together. And the holidays (Draco's mom had to be taken to the hospital for a heart attack and his father walked around muttering about disgrace and Mudbloods until Draco hired Neji Hyuuga, who spent the day talking to both his parents about fate and destiny. After that day, his parents agreed to let him date and marry whomever he liked, as long as they never had to hear the word fate again). And the terms after that. Draco also became the leader of the Slytherin faction of the army when Voldemort attacked. He became a close friend of Harry and Ron, and eventually married Hermione Granger, who became the headmistress of Hogwarts after McGonagall, and they all lived happily ever after, and it became a tradition for the third years every year at Hogwarts to try and make their third year even better than the year that went down in history as the Funniest year ever.

**_THE END_**

[1] I got this from 'Ways to Humiliate, Annoy or infuriate Draco Malfoy' by Valentine's Riddle

**I may have got the event timeline messed up... please ignore that... this story is also AU so it will NOT go with the actual story. But thats kind of why they call this fanfiction..**

**My first attempt at Harry potter. What do ya think? Good? bad? does anyone care? review pleease...!**


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